The Spurious Nib's St. Patrick's Day 2020

St. Patrick's other brother.

You’ve never read about Patrick’s half brother, Saint Barry. By all The Spurious Nib's accounts Barry should also be celebrated. 

While Patrick was busy chasing snakes with his shamrock, 
Barry noticed Ireland’s health might be in danger. Acting on his own instinct Barry secured a shipment of whiskey and drove the barrels out of the ship and into Sean O' Kepler’s Pub!






March 17 2020
#StPatricksDay
#Shamrock

The Spurious Nib’s Sports Report

The Spurious Nib’s Sports Reporter, Hammond Headley, has a developing story. 

We brought you the story in January of Penelope Just who began the task of reading the entire Bible in the new year. And how she had a bit of trouble around Genesis 10:26.

It has now developed into a sport as her brother Walter has began reading his bible and is determined to race ahead and finish by November!

More details to follow.

Happy Purim!

The Spurious Nib Remembers Purim. 

Do You?

Perhaps you have read the whole book of Esther. Perhaps you remember that so-and-so guy who wanted to exterminate all the Jewish people in Persia. There was Uncle  Mordecai who reminded Esther she had been given a place and purpose (as the wife of the King Ahasuerus) to bring salvation to G_s people. Perhaps you also recall Esther had won a beauty contest. 
The Spurious Nib has discovered one young lady who placed fifth in that contest, Peggy. Thanks to Esther’s obedience, Peggy went on to marry Morey Korman. Morey owned the Shushan Oriental Fabric Company Ltd. They had five boys and eventually retired in Hamat Gader.

Morey & Peggy Korman

475 BCE,Shushan, Persia

Purim March 9, 2020 

The Spurious Nib President’s Day

It is true, President Cleveland was the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms (22nd & 24th). What you will never learn is how Cleveland really beat Benjamin Harrison the 23rd President of the United States.

Cleveland's mockingbird, Moocher, flew into Harrison’s White House bedroom window every night and whispered, "More tariffs, more tariffs." Thus Moocher ensured Grover Cleveland's unprecedented win over President Harrison!

Valentine Nibs, The Day After!

Any no talent hack can write Spurious things on Valentine's Day. Knowing most of our readers are suffering after-effects from all the Valentine celebrations it is with fond affection we note a few spurious things that have happened the day after Valentine's Day.

In Yaroslavl, Soviet Union, Comrade Marusya Orlov said, “Yes” to Comrade Arkady Moroz on Valentine's Day! The day after Valentines Day he submitted a plan to Vladimir Lenin whereby he would place a red star on the tallest structure in town so all communist would know it as the best place to honeymoon.

The day after Valentine's Day, Japan, 493A.D. 
Village heartthrob, Buraban Tomukyatto sang a love ballad to the beautiful Yuki Akemi. When Buraban was finished Yuki said, “Every bird loves to hear himself sing.”

The day after Valentine's Day in 1924, Teddy Ford tried unsuccessfully to give Jenifer Clayton back the “be my Valentine puppy” she had given him the day before.

Parthena Bergere Bleue enjoyed walking all her cats (including Miss Toe Beans) every day after  Valentines day.

In 1897 Ethel Truquer kidnapped the Château Dans L'Herbe's chocolatier and ate an entire tray of his famous Valentine Cygnes en chocolat. She was put in jail the day after Valentines day.

The day after Valentine's Day Odysseus realized he should have dated Bast, the Egyptian cat Goddess instead of the enchantress Circe.

Spurious February 12th Edition

We have yet again received an other worldly prognostication from the Spurious Nib’s very own, Sarah P. Needles reporting from Kenosha, Wisconsin. 

Prognosticator Parthena Bergere Bleue related a rather unusual vision this week regarding President Lincoln. Mrs. Bleue said she was caring for her newest liter of kitten’s (aka Mr. Tom’s Pride) when her left eye began to twitch. Clearly some great spirit from the beyond was crossing the gray threshold to deliver a message. The following is my transcription Of the message transmitted vie Mrs. Bleue.

Dearest Reader, on February 12, 1809 America’s most beloved thespian president was born. But alas his days were cut short by a two bit playing scalawag. Yes, yes, the horse figure, Old Bob and that form of an angelic feline Miss Toe Beans are telling me the sorrows that befell their dear souls on that fateful eve. My heart breaks!
In that dimmed light Miss Bean began insisting on a new tradition to mark the blessed occasion upon which Abraham graced this mortal coil. She had noted the many times our beloved President would bathe as the feline would sun herself nearby. And so it is that all good patriots shall bathe in his great honor every February 12th.

At this Parthena’s voice trailed off and her left eye stopped twitching. She immediately enlisted the aid of her son Morgan to draw a bathe, “lest Miss Toe Beans become angry.”

Spurious Nib Health Sponsor

The Spurious Nib welcomes our newest sponsor!

Mother Dalton’s Percolated Salmon Salve

Blacksmith, Bakers Cobblers, Farmers, and even Orators agree nothing beats Mother Dalton’s Percolated Salmon Salve!

Suffering from Quinsy, Laryngitis, Fevers, Lumbago, Gout, Dyspepsia, Scabies, Eruptions, Nervousness, Insomnia, etc?

Mother Dalton’s Percolated Salmon Salve can bring much needed relief!

The Nib recommends mixing a daub of Mother's with your favorite Syllabub or Stone Fence for astounding results.