The Spurious Nib

Volume 13

The Spurious Nib #95 
In 321 BC Greek women dancers accidentally discovered the art of head bongos. This discovery combined with the Zither would usher in a new era of ancient Greek culture.

Heysham Tanfield, 

“Don’t guess, don’t cheat! Give the full measure & no more.” 

Fine Scottish Measuring Devices Corporation 

Manufacturing fine measuring devices since 1604

Spurious Nib #60
Farmer Hank Tornquist was the first to patent a night-crawler vacuum.

Spurious Nib News from around the earth.

Boyd I. Fuller
Update from Moscow, Russia.  
Angry Russian woman shushes angry mob! As you may recall from my previous Spurious Nib account, I attended a meeting in Moscow. There was a lot of yelling and pointing by some angry guy. The crowd responded with more yelling and cheering. When the meeting was done the crowd angrily marched out of the building and down the street.
I was able to stealthily follow the crush of humanity for about a block when suddenly everything came to an abrupt halt. There before the disquieted mob was a rather diminutive woman with six small children. She stared at the men with fierce, black steely eyes, lifted her finger to her lips and gave a very terse, “SHHhh.” The men immediately looked down at their shoes and schlepped passed her quietly.
It remains to be seen if this mob will regain their firy will to finish the march on the government.



Skippy Smyth 
Dewitt, Iowa.
There was an interesting discovery over the weekend. One time scatomancer, Tristan Bulrushes was spotted dawning a cape and mask in a darkened doorway. When asked what he was doing the profoundly girthed Bulrushes said, “Yoicks, you are mistaken in my identity. I am Beadleman! Champion of the people. I promise to vicambulte this town and protect the good people from untruth.”
I inquired of Beadleman aka Tristan Bulrushes how he planned to help the people of Dewitt. “When I hear or see untruth, (and that includes you, man of the press) I will exclaim, ‘Gardyloo!’ accompanied with a magnificent aporrhoea and call out said travesty.” And with that, the rotund Champion of the people leapt away with a hearty, “Gardyloo!” leaving behind more than a faint censorious effluvia.

The Spurious Nib

Volume 12

Spurious Nib News from around the earth.

Moscow, Russia. Our crack reporter, Boyd I. Fuller attended a meeting in Moscow Tuesday morning. Fuller reported, “There was a lot of yelling and pointing by some angry guy. The crowd responded with more yelling and cheering. When the meeting was done the crowd angrily marched out of the building and down the street. Boy oh boy, were they mad.”



Spurious Nib #43
In 1898 Mr. Dinkle Hoven once confessed, “Some of my best ideas come from gazing at tools.”
This was in response to a local constable discovering a catatonic Dinkle Hoven holding the new Stanley “Fifty-Five” Plane.

Missing a shoe or maybe a two?

Don’t be ‘de-feet-ed’.

Try the Buskey Shoes Company!

The Buskey Shoe Company, Sandusky, Ohio.

More Spurious Nib News from around the earth.

Kenosha, Wisconsin. Sarah P. Needles is preparing an in-depth report about an extraordinary woman who has the powers of prognostication. The Spurious Nib is excited to present to our loyal readers an excerpt:
“Miss Parthena Bergere Bleue is no ordinary young woman! Having observed her over the course of three hours this reporter can assure avid readers of the Spurious Nib of the strength of the fair young lass’s sincerity and kindness to all of Divinity’s felines. Miss Bleue has a strong scent…of mysterious devices so amazing one can only hope that to live into mystic vision she paints with surety.
Miss Parthena modeled one of her ethereal visions. ‘My outfit is but a humble representation. The head-dress represents humankind’s ability tap into invisible clouds of knowledge, the box is a sight apparatus.’ Parthena swayed, eyes fixed upon the netherworld where she described clouds containing vast volumes of books and writings from all four corners of the globe and even strange moving feline images from Japan. Miss Bleue has been inspired to take in more cats in hopes of obtaining clearer visions of future wonderments. Meanwhile she uses her ethereal head dress to dry her cat's socks while she is out jaunting about the city.”




Spurious Nib #90

Mesopotamian soldiers drank three cups of Earl Grey Tea before marching on to the battlefield.

The Spurious Nib

Volume 11

Spurious Nib #87

The Tan Negev Tortoise is the only one of its genus to birth it's young through a hatch on the top of its shell. However, the Tan Negev Tortoise is not a marsupial as the hatch-lings do not return a pouch.

Spurious Nib #5

Sergei Prokofiev’s “Peter and the Wolf, 'symphonic fairy tale for children’” started off on a more serious tone, “Peter and the grouchy, no good neighbor dude.” Fortunately for us his wife saw the first draft!

Heroic Sandusky Ohio man celebrates ten years making shoes.

Editor’s note: We sat down with local hero and business man, Mr. Billy Buskey.

Mr. Buskey, what spurred you into the shoe business? 

Shoe business, there’s nothing like it! I have always been fascinated with footwear...But it wasn’t until I was in the Army that I realized how good footwear could help humanity move forward. I made my mission to not allow America to become calloused to our poor bipedal condition.

It was eleven years ago last week when one of the most irritating things happened to me. I was on my eighth floor apartment balcony, sipping a Toddy and shining my brand new spats. I had just polished off the right one, set it on the ledge. Suddenly I could not find my right shoe. I peered over the ledge to see a suspicious man lunging for my lone, shiny, spit spat. But the darkened figure seemed to have second thoughts (Perhaps he heard my utterance about his own unkempt footwear?) about absconding with my shoe and stumbled away. I quickly made my way down to the sidewalk but the shoe was gone. No one was in sight, and boy oh boy was I mad!

Spurious Nib #78

Little known fact: The Pierce-Arrow Motor Car Company hired a giant named Lum Glowerman for their 1933 “Lifting Luxury to New Heights!” ad campaign. 

Buskey Shoes

The Buskey Shoe Company, Sandusky, 

Ohio.-Missing a shoe or maybe a two? 

Don’t be ‘de-feet-ed’. 

Try the Buskey Shoes Company!

Spurious Nib #3

Shoebox Phil, famed hobo and magician, 

once pulled an entire peanut butter sandwich 

from a fellow hobo’s ear.

The Spurious Nib

Volume 11

Spurious Nib #20

Little know Spurious Nib fact: Sackbut artists were traditionally recruited for the art of glass works.

Spurious Nib #25

Dr. Mayer Windfeller has discovered an ancient Egyptian hieroglyph describing “an amazing volleyball game where the Tutankhamun Gators outscored the Ishtar Stars from Babylon in the Temple at Karnak. The Gators won 15 to 13.”

Fitch & Crumble

Gormandizing Aids

Featuring the

Newly patented

“Trowloon Dinner Set”

Spurious Nib Erudition

“Cupid’s arrows find both rich and poor yet the poor values its target more.”

Spurious Nib #120

The Slavs were the first ethnicity to develop secret communal handshakes. Scientist discovered pictographs dating to 4670 B.C.E. near Zvolen, Slovakia. The pictographs portray Slavic farmers trading wheat using only their hands! Through a series of hand grasps and finger gesticulations Slavs were able to trade grain to make beer. Dr. Fredric Von Distalmeir was able to successfully cipher the pictographs after comparing polydactylic Teutonic drawings with the illustrations in the Encyclopedia of the Vienna Convention on Traffic Gestures.

Spurious Nib #8

On this date in history Edwin P. Nibblehoffer, proprietor of Dolci Di Fata Sweet Shop, noticed the grey in his sideburns accentuated his magnificent eyebrows. This eventually led to the invention of his famous Nibblehoffer Brow & Burn Cream.