Spurious July 4th History Part 2

On July 5, 1776 England’s King George III developed a twitch in his left eye every time someone said, “Merica!”

Every July 4th Sam Whittemore gave his son a gun.

1773 So much tea was dumped by the patriots in the Boston Harbor 

to this day crates of tea 

can still be found floating in the Atlantic Ocean!

Spurious July 4th History Part 1

The Soviet Union's Alexander Petrolkaf spent the enire month of July, 1923 searching for freedom in his cherry tree. On July 31st Comrade Petroklaf discovered gravity.

July 4, 1788 
Benjamin Franklin's trained his pet eagle to sled across James Madison's lawn. Madison shouted to Franklin,
"The power to fly, including the power of sledding the lawn of presidents, is fully and exclusively vested in the eagle!"





Mini Englander loved Liberty so much she could be found in deep conversations with the Liberty Bell each day at three-o-clock in the afternoon!

Spurious Nib Flag History

On this day in 1776, 

Betsy Ross received an urgent letter from her ugly step sister Mona.

 "Dearest Betsy, it would be so fun to make the stars of the flag in like the shape of a pineapple.

 Pineapples would make our Thirteen Colonies 

feel like so much more more like welcoming.

Butterfly greetings,

Ugly Mona."

We don't know if Betsy liked pineapples. 

We don't know if Ugly Mona was really ugly 

(or really, really ugly). 

But we do know that Betsy burned that letter 

and replied with a note that said, 

"No! No ugly Mona, I will not have a pineapple flag. 

 I will not have it hanging here. I will not have it hanging there. I will not hang it on a rope.

Ugly Mona, you're such a dope!

Kindest regards, Betsy."