Saturday, December 22, 2018

Spurious Christmas Safety

Our intrepid reporter to the stars, Halley Orion, discovered December 22nd is the day St. Nicholas and his elves practice Sleigh Flight Rescue Procedures. 
Pictured: Chief Elf Safety Officer Pazzo Pane, St. Nicholas and the elf trainees in the life raft.

Spurious Christmas Visions

Mama Dixon never had visions of sugar-plums dancing while she slumbered. 
But she did wish that Santa would send his elves to clean her kitchen!!

Friday, December 21, 2018

Spurious Christmas Gifts

In 1902 St. Nicholas gave Diana Prince 
his invisible 1909 Edwardian Renault,
 “fitted with a large 4.4 litre 20/30 horsepower, four-cylinder engine coupled to a four- speed transmission and built on a chassis with a 130" wheelbase”.

Spurious Christmas Folklore

According to Slovakian folklore, 
if you scream, “zachráň ma Ježiško!” 
three times at a mirror 
Jezisko will give you the power to catch the Elf on the shelf.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Spurious Christmas History

The Three Wise Men (Melchior, Caspar and Balthazar) were accompanied by a very wise feline named Gattinoscaltro. 
And yes, Gattinoscaltro brought the baby Jesus his favorite ball of yarn.

Spurious Christmas Health

Mrs. Goody Claus insisted that Santa take one tablespoon of cod liver oil and chase it with a ten ounce  glass of prune juice before he left to deliver toys for all the good girls and boys. 


This ensured a quick delivery. Some of the elves referred to the mixture as “Goody’s Thunder Juice.”

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

A Spurious Christmas Story

The Spurious Christmas tree.

Martin Luther is often credited with the idea of a Christmas tree. What you will never hear is that his neighbor, Niederwälder Nadelbaum sold the Great Reformer a fir tree as a prank. 

The Nadelbaum family had been famous for selling fire wood for hundreds of years. The family had a tradition of parading a small fir tree into town after the snow as a way of advertising their business. One day in December 1525 Niederwälder had sold all of the split wood and didn’t want to take the time to cut up the six foot tall anzeige baum (advertisement tree). And that is when he remembered his good-natured neighbors, Martin and Katharina Luther.

Nadelbaum convinced Luther that having a freshly cut fir tree in the house would be an excellent way to keep his kitsch Czechoslovakian candle collection organized and a nifty way to display them in the living room. When Katharina began questioning her husband about the tree and candles Luther realized his neighbor had pulled one over on him. Ever the quick wit, Luther began lighting the candles and making up a tall tale about how he was reforming the pagan Yuletide celebrations.

In the following spring Luther got back at Niederwälder by putting green dye in his beer but that is another story.