A 'Piddlesworth' of Spurious Jewelry.

In 1879 Bartholomew Piddlesworth, entrepreneur jeweler, began selling his famed, Piddlesworth Kidney Stone Anniversary Rings.

Spurious Easter History

The Spurious Nib continues to investigate Easter. Our long time keeper of Spurious History, Dusty Japes, has uncovered more inconceivable notions of Easter history.

In 1893 Gwendolyn Blodwyn introduced her Easter themed purses.

Easter Goverts

In 1697 the town of Falesti, Moldova faced an environmental crises of epic proportions. All of the regions goats descended on the town after one of the residents dumped old casks of plumb wine on a pile of old rope. When the goats recovered from their meal they consumed all of the vegetation in and around the town. When the goats left the residents discovered all the Easter bunnies had moved to Romania. Gripped with fear the Falestians begged Mayor Malvern Govert to “bring back the bunny!” Govert traveled to Transylvania and bought seven long haired hares. Those hares became known as Goverts. Today if you are in Moldova Easter bunnies are still called Easter Goverts!

Paolo Fabrizio was so taken by the great silent film, Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ (1925), he re-enacted the chariot scene in his living room every Easter. 

Incidentally, every corresponding Easter Paolo’s wife, Irta, reenacted scenes from Mack Sennett’s, The Fatal Mallet.

Daniel Boone’s older sister June refused to hunt rabbits during the season of Easter!

Spurious Wisdom!

Many of our readers have been sending in letters asking, "Who is your Foreign Correspondent?" Other long time readers of the Spurious Nib are asking, "Where is my coffee?" We can not help you with this second query. 
But the Spurious Nib can tell you Mr. Ja Sam Budala is our Foreign Correspondent. 'Scoop' Budala, as we affectionately call him, hails from Bosnia. Ja Sam Budala's wisdom made him a shoe-in for the job. 
You may be asking, "Just what did he say during that interview?" 

"It's not what you know but hookah you know!"

Ja Sam Budala

The Spurious Nib's Special St. Paddy’s Day Edition!

Maewyn Succat’s friend, Grady Mahoney almost became Saint Patrick but he tried to explain the Trinity with a poison Ivy leaf!

Newton's Spurious Apple.

It might be true that Sir Isaac Newton watched an apple fall and discovered gravity. But accord'n to Irish lore, the good Sir's Irish cousin Shamus Newton, was the first to discover gravity.

One summer’s evening in 1665 Shamus Newton found himself at Sean O' Kepler’s Pub. Now the Murphy twins, Ivan and Kevin, bellied their way up to the bar and began challenging each other to knock back a few pints of Guinness. Shamus was stunned as he counted one pint, then two, three…(it might be worth noting that Shamus was the smartest man in the village having completed the forth grade). Suddenly after consuming the last drop of number eight, Ivan and Kevin dropped like they’d been beaned with grandpa’s shillelagh. Naturally, Shamus observed the attraction of each twin to hit the floor at the same time!

(Photo: the 73rd Reenactment of Shamus Newton's observation of gravity)

The Southern Hibernian Leprechauns love to play leap frog on St. Patrick’s Day!

The Irish Wolfhound was bread to retrieve top shelf whiskey and to keep women out of pubs.

Spurious President’s Day Edition!

You might have a lot of opinions about Presidents. Here are some things you never learned in school about them!!

George Washington was the second person inducted as an honorary member of the American Wood Choppers Hall of Fame. The first was Abe, “Rail Splitter” Lincoln. By the way, little known fact; George’s boyhood friends called him, “Cherry Choppa.”

The Egyptians first and only president, President Khepri, served for one year before Sheshi who began his reign in 1745 BC. Popular opinion polls showed that nine out of ten Egyptians felt, “President Khepri really stank.” Khepri resigned immediately after the poll was released.

Depiction of Khepri receiving shaved iced-cream after his election.

William Taft was the first president to master the high jump.

When ever Vice President Chester A. Arthur visited President Garfield he gave him an Orange Tabby Cat.

The Spurious Nib Valentine's Edition

Once again Dusty “Nibs” Japes has discovered here-to-fore unknown and some what curious Valentine facts.

If you look at the word valentine very closely you will note it is actually three words. Obviously vale is the first word. The ‘n’ is short for the word and. The third word is tines. Vale is an old word that means valley. Tine is the fork in the antler of deer. Philology experts will tell you things about words. The phrase, “valley and tine” in old Norse referred to their homes in the dark valleys that were fractured and without love. 

There was nothing happy about valentines for the old Norse!

Buskey Shoes Ad campaign in February, 1912:

 

Roses are red, your feet are sore. We have great deals at the Buskey Shoe Store.

The Buskey Shoe Company, Sandusky, Ohio.

Dr. C. Mitosies penned this to his sweetheart in February 1893:

The muscle

Of my red

Corpuscles

Beats only

For you.

Be my

Valentine

Or I’ll

Turn blue.

Some experts believe, "’Rule, Britannia!’ is a British patriotic song, originating from the poem "Rule, Britannia" by James Thomson and set to music by Thomas Arne.” However, when we played it backwards on our 1903 Edison Victrola and discovered it is a series of awkward Valentines sung to Queen Victoria! 

2/14/2018

Happy Groundhog's Day!

2/2/2018

This month's Spurious Nibs are brought to you by, 

THE FELLER'S MEAT COMPANY

Remember,

"A Feller's Monax Meat Pie is a Man's Pie!"