The Spurious Nib

Volume 21

Spurious Nib#116


Handy & Lorna Shiner won the 1867 Summer Solstice Awkward Dancing Award

Spurious Ad Nib

Please Note: The Proper Nomenclature & Exact Pronunciation Society will meet at the L’homme Parle Hall located at the south end of Boleslao University on the 25th at 7:30pm. The lecture is entitled, The Proper Correction of Clergy During Sacred Readings, will be provided by  Virginia Schrillen.

Spurious Nib#490

In 1897 Radcliff (aka Raddy) & Elbert (aka Kevin) Phelps (of Oxlip, MN) became the first Americans convicted of grand theft auto. Raddy and Kevin spied Mr. B. G. Velhelm starting his new Stanley Steamer Motor Carriage, pushed him aside and tried to drive away. Unfortunately, Raddy did not know where to feed the charcoal briquettes. An argument ensued between the two brothers, the motor carriage stalled and that allowed time for their arrest!


Spurious Nib#97

The masked, heroic character Zorro was based on a young man named Wilbur Wentworth. It is true that Wilbur was not Spanish but he was known to don a mask, mount his penny-farthing, yell, "Whammo!" and swoosh his pen knife in a "W" shape.

Happy Spurious Father's Day!

Spurious Nib #151



It is true that Charlie Chan, famous Hawaiian detective had 14 children. A spurious rumor maintains that every Father's Day Chan's offspring would randomly switch places with various neighbor children to see how long it would take the great detective to discover which ones were really his!

Spurious Nib #79

Every Father's Day, Robert L. Billingsly shares his life stories with his beloved wife and children through the magic of shadow puppetry. When "Pops" was done the whole family joined in a rousing rendition of Remember When You Were a Kid? (The Faygo 'Boat' Song).

Spurious Nib #214

Infamous outlaw James McKinney held up his dear, old, father every Father's Day starting when he James was ten years old.











Spurious Nib #486

Amateur opera singer and itinerant bric-a-brac salesman Arthur Schwenck taught his unborn child the lyrics to Gilbert & Sullivan's, Modern Major General (from the Pirates of the Penzance). Upon birth little Stanley could sing it flawlessly.

The Spurious Nib

Volume 20

Spurious Nib#9



The first use of "wakah wakah" by a professional comedian took place in 957 BCE at the Laughing Gator Club in Thebes, Egypt. Famous Egyptian ventriloquist, Hepu and his dummy, Koko opened with, "Hey Koko you know how to do the Watusi?" "No, but I know how to wakah wakah like an Egyptian!"






Spurious Nib#27
Ice cream magnate J. F. McCullough trained his favorite bear named Dilly to serve him a root-beer float every evening after dinner.









Spurious Nib#70
Amateur ophthalmologist and Lake Erie ornithologist expert, Giles D. Flique forced his wife Betty to wear a bird cage on her head so that she could "see the world as birds do." Mrs. Flique responded later that evening by forcing her husband to wear a cast iron frying pan so that he could "see how scrambled eggs see the world."

Spurious Nib#160

Major Norbert Flambeau once led and entire flock of flamingos across Zimbabwe in hopes of finding the Garden of Eden. After the flamingos were eaten by a pride of albino, pygmy lions the expedition became known as the Flambeau Follies (not to be confused with the 1973 Flambeau Follies on ice staring JoJo Starbuck).

Spurious Nib History

In 1537, Philip II, Prince of Spain spent exactly 749 days, 3 hours and 49 seconds contemplating the life of carpenter ants. Subsequently, he wrote a seven volume encyclopedia on said creatures. 

Unfortunately, Philip lost all of his furnishings, his vast collection of hand carved whimsical Santas, and every piece of wood in the Royal Palace. Boy, O boy was he mad! 

The Spurious Nib

Volume 19

Spurious Nib#54

A Kansas pharmacist accidentally set the world record for juggling thermometers after reading the 1873 farmer's almanac's prediction for a longer winter.

This Spurious Volume 19 is sponsored by 

The Victor Wrasses Fishing Tackle Company,

"Get hooked on our quality tackle!"

Spurious Nib#23

In the 1920's gangster Louie the Nose Gamboly walked his pet gator everyday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Neighbors in Crystal, Minnesota reported the gator's name was Sam the Smiler!


Spurious Nib#105

In 1956 the Oxytones recorded what would become their paranymic classic, "Cofefe." Critics would excoriate the Cuban mambo song as "cacological" and "querkenic." But the public couldn't get enough sending it to the top of the charts for 65 weeks that year!





Spurious Nib#63

Little known spurious history:
The first Great Sphinx was made entirely of paper mache.

Spurious War Movie History

John Wayne and Strother Martin were originally cast in the 1950 WWII movie, At War with the Army. 
However, Wayne and Martin both wanted to play Pfc. Alvin Korwin and walked away from lucrative contracts with Paramount Studios.

Fortunately for us Paramount recruited Martin & Lewis to save the beloved war documentary.

And be sure to check here for my real non-spurious Memorial Day tribute.

Spurious History

In 600 BCE the sneaky Babylonians built a large wooden cow that looked like the Egyptian goddess Methyer. They pushed the large hollow cow up to the entryway of Alexandria one evening and ran away waving Le Tricolor.

Thinking they beat Babylon, the Egyptians pulled the goddess statue into Alexandria and started to party. A few hours latter Babylonian soldiers lept out of the hollow cow onto the ground and slaughtered the drunk Egyptians. 

(Later, the Greeks stole the tactic to trick the people in Troy.)