A Spurious Nib 2020 Christmas

Once again it’s that time of year when the entire staff at The Spurious Nib wishes you and Yours a Merry Christmas!

Santa’s fifth favorite joke, “What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No-el.es”

When Roscoe Tobias Belcher was twelve his little sister, Apolonia was sick during the Christmas season. Seeing as Roscoe senior was keeping the “lawmen” company over the Christmas holiday the youngster took it upon himself to bolster Apolonia’s spirit. The young Belcher boy decided to dawn the garb of St. Nicholas and visit his sister’s bedside. It worked! Christmas Day saw the little girl regain her strength.

And so it is this Christmas that we hope you will be like young Roscoe for some dispirited person, Be a Belcher!

In 1923 Ivan Kranveski, self-proclaimed Soviet historian claimed that Santa did not have elf workers. No! Communist Santa had Coneys that made the toys. And for the next seventy years Soviet children dressed as Coneys each holiday season to celebrate the freed workers because of the generosity of Mother Russia’s kind Coneys!

Even Santa will not give into an irrational fear of Covid-19!

Spurious Christmas Eve 2020

HAPPY SPURIOUS CHRISTMAS EVE!

If it were not for The Ghost Of Good Grammar visiting Charlie Dickens on Christmas Eve 1822, 

we might never have had the pleasure of reading such classics as, Oliver Twist,  Nicholas Nickleby, A Tale of Two Cities, Great Expectations, or A Christmas Carol!!

Spurious Hanukkah Nibs

 Happy Hanukkah!

The 2020 Spurious Nib Thanksgiving Post

We hope you will have a 
HAPPY THANKSGIVING

For the first thirteen years of their marriage John Sycamore reviewed the Thanksgiving dinner plan with his wife Ethel two weeks prior to the grand event. On the fourteenth year Ethel could be found on a tour of Europe thanks in no part to a nice life insurance policy she had taken out on John.

Some cultures celebrate Thanksgiving differently.

Jimmy likes food.

DON'T LET TURKEYS DANCE ON YOUR CHEST!

The Spurious Nib Election Results II

(Because Spurious Nib readers are demanding more spurious Election information we have endeavored to find more election results.)

We imagine in the 5th century Ryszard Stanisław Cherkasova was elected the third Balken Prince.

As you may recall, one of the Spurious Nib's oldest sponsors, Zaqan’s Royal Beard Oil has a contests for Best Beard. In 1890 posthumously awarded Zaqan’s Royal Beard Oil's Best Beard of the the 5th century Balkens!

The Spurious Nib Elections Results

We are incredibly fortunate here at the Nib to have located previously un-thought of election results.

On 25 January 1789 the crew of the HMS Bounty voted to add a large sock to its signal flags in order to alert other vessels that their feet were cold! 

The Spurious Nib Halloween Edition 2020

The Spurious Nib has never been short on tales. 

We have tuned up a few just for you on this Halloween.

A spurious folk tale from Westchester County, New York includes a rather curious suggestion. If one should float out to the middle of the Tappan Zee in a coracle, on Halloween, at precisely 11:31 p.m. you can hear Washington Irving, Jesse Merwin, and Ichabod Crane singing, “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!”

Another spurious folk tale comes from the Westminster Church in Baltimore. If you hop around Edgar Allan Poe’s grave marker on your left foot while holding a bottle of Irish whiskey in you right hand and scream, “Tamerlane” three times, you will hear Poe singing, "There Is a Tavern in the Town."

It is impossible to believe that Alexander Graham Bell has anything to do with Halloween folk tales but that will not deter the Spurious Nib!

If you dial 666 (any time between 9pm and 11:59 pm Eastern Standard Time) you can hear Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson sing, “My Bonnie lies over the ocean.” 
And one more spurious folk tale.

Every Halloween Pilgrims in Wittenberg, Germany insist you can summon Johann Tetzel by drinking three large lagers, knocking on the Reformation Memorial Church door thirteen times and then singing a rousing version of, “95 Theses Nailed On the Door” to the tune of, “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”