The 2020 Spurious Nib Thanksgiving Post

We hope you will have a 
HAPPY THANKSGIVING

For the first thirteen years of their marriage John Sycamore reviewed the Thanksgiving dinner plan with his wife Ethel two weeks prior to the grand event. On the fourteenth year Ethel could be found on a tour of Europe thanks in no part to a nice life insurance policy she had taken out on John.

Some cultures celebrate Thanksgiving differently.

Jimmy likes food.

DON'T LET TURKEYS DANCE ON YOUR CHEST!

The Spurious Nib Election Results II

(Because Spurious Nib readers are demanding more spurious Election information we have endeavored to find more election results.)

We imagine in the 5th century Ryszard Stanisław Cherkasova was elected the third Balken Prince.

As you may recall, one of the Spurious Nib's oldest sponsors, Zaqan’s Royal Beard Oil has a contests for Best Beard. In 1890 posthumously awarded Zaqan’s Royal Beard Oil's Best Beard of the the 5th century Balkens!

The Spurious Nib Elections Results

We are incredibly fortunate here at the Nib to have located previously un-thought of election results.

On 25 January 1789 the crew of the HMS Bounty voted to add a large sock to its signal flags in order to alert other vessels that their feet were cold! 

The Spurious Nib Halloween Edition 2020

The Spurious Nib has never been short on tales. 

We have tuned up a few just for you on this Halloween.

A spurious folk tale from Westchester County, New York includes a rather curious suggestion. If one should float out to the middle of the Tappan Zee in a coracle, on Halloween, at precisely 11:31 p.m. you can hear Washington Irving, Jesse Merwin, and Ichabod Crane singing, “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes!”

Another spurious folk tale comes from the Westminster Church in Baltimore. If you hop around Edgar Allan Poe’s grave marker on your left foot while holding a bottle of Irish whiskey in you right hand and scream, “Tamerlane” three times, you will hear Poe singing, "There Is a Tavern in the Town."

It is impossible to believe that Alexander Graham Bell has anything to do with Halloween folk tales but that will not deter the Spurious Nib!

If you dial 666 (any time between 9pm and 11:59 pm Eastern Standard Time) you can hear Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson sing, “My Bonnie lies over the ocean.” 
And one more spurious folk tale.

Every Halloween Pilgrims in Wittenberg, Germany insist you can summon Johann Tetzel by drinking three large lagers, knocking on the Reformation Memorial Church door thirteen times and then singing a rousing version of, “95 Theses Nailed On the Door” to the tune of, “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” 

Spurious Columbus Day Sale

Many people have believed many things about Christopher Columbus. Not to be out done by so many of those things, The Spurious Nib has investigated an amazing advertisement from the October 12, 1503 edition of the Sevilla Noticias Diarias.

For Sale:

Set sail for Oak Island in your very own Spanish galleon! The Pinta may be used but you will still treasure this easy-to-maneuver old classic! Original ships wheel (you can still see Admiral Columbus's hand prints on her spindles!) Sure there are some oak rotted planks. But your crew will enjoy the long, prominent beakhead for working the sails of the bowsprit (& refurbished head)! The arrow heads in the bow give it that great vintage look. Nice mizzen masts. Four friendly rats. Fore & aft lighting. One bronze salute cannon. Needs new rigging.

Vicente Díaz de Vendedor

13 Calle Nueva

San Esteban de Gomaz, Spain

#ChristopherColumbus

#Columbus

#ColumbusDay

#FakeNews

#Oak Island

Spurious July 4th Hand-In-Waistcoat

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

The crack staff here at the Spurious Nib understand how much worry and frustration our readers are submersed in over the latest controversies on July 4, 2020. Yes, that’s right, we too have become completely fixated on the “hand-in-waistcoat” conspiracy theories! Now we can reveal the truth of what was in some of history’s most famous waistcoat pockets!

President George Washington

The Father of our Country and the first president of the United States. He was America’s general and commander in chief during the American Revolution. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a Gideon bible with the Psalms, his reading glasses, keys to his mustang, and his lucky tooth.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Known as The Emperor of the France and considered one of the greatest commanders in history, and his wars and campaigns are studied at military schools worldwide. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: one county fair first place medal for his, "Family Volcano Chip Meal" and one gold hand mirror.

Theodor Friedrich Ludwig Nees von Esenbeck

Esenbeck was a German botanist and pharmacologist. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a pen knife, one magnifying glass and four gañjā leaves. According to Spurious Nib sources his friends called him, “Dr. Dank Ludweed.”

William Tecumseh Sherman

American soldier, businessman, educator, and author. One of the great generals of the Union Army during the American Civil War. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a rosary from his wife Ellen, one personalized silver flask, and one Zippo lighter.

Lucius Ambrose de Farnelleis

Once hailed as, “Rhode Island's Favorite Raconteur,” Lucius was a part time knockknobbler, and expert knocker-upper. He once famously said to Meriwether Lewis, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you as long as you can read a map.”

In his waistcoat pocket could be found: 10- 1790 Duits, one porcupine quill comb, and his pet cockroach named Barebones Lee.

#HappyIndependenceDay #july4th2020 #july4th #IndependenceDay

The Spurious Nib's Earth Day Observation

April 22
You will never know just how much the April 22nd Earth Day celebrations anger the other planets in our solar system.