Wednesday, December 19, 2018

A Spurious Christmas Story

The Spurious Christmas tree.

Martin Luther is often credited with the idea of a Christmas tree. What you will never hear is that his neighbor, Niederwälder Nadelbaum sold the Great Reformer a fir tree as a prank. 

The Nadelbaum family had been famous for selling fire wood for hundreds of years. The family had a tradition of parading a small fir tree into town after the snow as a way of advertising their business. One day in December 1525 Niederwälder had sold all of the split wood and didn’t want to take the time to cut up the six foot tall anzeige baum (advertisement tree). And that is when he remembered his good-natured neighbors, Martin and Katharina Luther.

Nadelbaum convinced Luther that having a freshly cut fir tree in the house would be an excellent way to keep his kitsch Czechoslovakian candle collection organized and a nifty way to display them in the living room. When Katharina began questioning her husband about the tree and candles Luther realized his neighbor had pulled one over on him. Ever the quick wit, Luther began lighting the candles and making up a tall tale about how he was reforming the pagan Yuletide celebrations.

In the following spring Luther got back at Niederwälder by putting green dye in his beer but that is another story.

Monday, November 19, 2018

The Second Spurious Nib Thanksgiving Edition

 Some Spurious Nib Thanksgiving details.

In November of 1688 Father Louis Hennepin, (Belgian Roman Catholic priest, missionary of the Franciscan Recollet order, explorer of North America and AAA member) celebrated a mass in honor of the Baby Paul Bunyan carving the first Thanksgiving turkey.


Dr. Fredric Von Distalmeir, Slavic hieroglyph expert, discovered the etymology of the word amazing has its roots in the word maze. According to Distalmeir, 
John Rolfe couldn’t believe corn could be popped. When Pocahontas showed him the process he was ‘amazed.’ Rolfe then realized he was amazed by the beauty of Pocahontas. He was amazed at her ability to carve turkey. He was amazed at the taste of candied yams.
Rolfe used the new word so much the Indigenous people and the Englanders voted to send John and his new bride back to England!


n 1739 Johannes Peter Troxell’s (1691 - 1766) Pennsylvania neighbor declared Folgers Coffee the official hot beverage of Thanksgiving.


Katherine Pear and John Q.Bodrog were married on Thanksgiving 1897. On each anniversary they tried to recite more reasons to be thankful than the other.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Spurious Nib Halloween Edition

Spurious Nib Halloween Items

Spice up this evenings Halloween conversations with these here to fore never seen spurious items.


On Halloween 1911 Dr. Ransom D. Monet, dressed as “The Oil Philosopher” and lectured his students on the proper viscosity of oil for the Priestman Oil Engine.

Lizzie Andrew Borden did not know how to properly sharpen an axe.

Every Halloween Istvan Graeff forced his wife and six children to listen to his worst nightmares from that year whilst they stood at his bedside. Later in life his son, Urice recounted with horror one particular soliloquy which lasted two hours about their beloved pet squirrel named Ziegenfuss, “whose eyes glowed like red hot coals as he devoured ”

On every Halloween between 1897 and 1904 Ernestine the Praying Mantis used to terrorize young children in the Hungarian village of Zólyom.

Friday, June 15, 2018

A 'Piddlesworth' of Spurious Jewelry.



In 1879 Bartholomew Piddlesworth, entrepreneur jeweler, began selling his famed, Piddlesworth Kidney Stone Anniversary Rings.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Spurious Easter History

The Spurious Nib continues to investigate Easter. Our long time keeper of Spurious History, Dusty Japes, has uncovered more inconceivable notions of Easter history.

In 1893 Gwendolyn Blodwyn introduced her Easter themed purses.

Easter Goverts
In 1697 the town of Falesti, Moldova faced an environmental crises of epic proportions. All of the regions goats descended on the town after one of the residents dumped old casks of plumb wine on a pile of old rope. When the goats recovered from their meal they consumed all of the vegetation in and around the town. When the goats left the residents discovered all the Easter bunnies had moved to Romania. Gripped with fear the Falestians begged Mayor Malvern Govert to “bring back the bunny!” Govert traveled to Transylvania and bought seven long haired hares. Those hares became known as Goverts. Today if you are in Moldova Easter bunnies are still called Easter Goverts!


Paolo Fabrizio was so taken by the great silent film, Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ (1925), he re-enacted the chariot scene in his living room every Easter. 
Incidentally, every corresponding Easter Paolo’s wife, Irta, reenacted scenes from Mack Sennett’s, The Fatal Mallet.


Daniel Boone’s older sister June refused to hunt rabbits during the season of Easter!


Sunday, March 18, 2018

Spurious Wisdom!

Many of our readers have been sending in letters asking, "Who is your Foreign Correspondent?" Other long time readers of the Spurious Nib are asking, "Where is my coffee?" We can not help you with this second query. 
But the Spurious Nib can tell you Mr. Ja Sam Budala is our Foreign Correspondent. 'Scoop' Budala, as we affectionately call him, hails from Bosnia. Ja Sam Budala's wisdom made him a shoe-in for the job. 
You may be asking, "Just what did he say during that interview?" 


"It's not what you know but hookah you know!"
Ja Sam Budala

Friday, March 16, 2018

The Spurious Nib's Special St. Paddy’s Day Edition!

Maewyn Succat’s friend, Grady Mahoney almost became Saint Patrick but he tried to explain the Trinity with a poison Ivy leaf!

Newton's Spurious Apple.

It might be true that Sir Isaac Newton watched an apple fall and discovered gravity. But accord'n to Irish lore, the good Sir's Irish cousin Shamus Newton, was the first to discover gravity.

One summer’s evening in 1665 Shamus Newton found himself at Sean O' Kepler’s Pub. Now the Murphy twins, Ivan and Kevin, bellied their way up to the bar and began challenging each other to knock back a few pints of Guinness. Shamus was stunned as he counted one pint, then two, three…(it might be worth noting that Shamus was the smartest man in the village having completed the forth grade). Suddenly after consuming the last drop of number eight, Ivan and Kevin dropped like they’d been beaned with grandpa’s shillelagh. Naturally, Shamus observed the attraction of each twin to hit the floor at the same time!

(Photo: the 73rd Reenactment of Shamus Newton's observation of gravity)

The Southern Hibernian Leprechauns love to play leap frog on St. Patrick’s Day!

The Irish Wolfhound was bread to retrieve top shelf whiskey and to keep women out of pubs.