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From state to county,
Over lake and river,
Through city and village,
The Spurious Nib
Brings you the news!

The Spurious Nib Volume 111

Spurious Nib#17

Henry Ford insisted his automobile designers play with toy cars.

Spurious Ad Nibs

Fortune Theatre Benefit

Magician Phil Bleue will be making a rare appearance at the Fortune Theatre Thursday evening.
Bleue, former king of vaudeville’s Shoe Box Circuit, will be part of a Benefit for The Sons And Daughters Of Wayward Printer’s Devils.Also performing on the Fortune Theatre stage: The Carbunkle Triplets, Comedian Foster McGill, Astor Agnes & her Amazing Singing Airedales, And the Fortune Theatre Players will present a one act play entitled, “Not On My Roof!” Refreshments to be served after the show.

Spurious Nib#11

In 1919 Russian lumberjack Vasily Nikoli Shlubnik broke his saw. This made him a sad feller.

Spurious Nib# 71

Dale Carnegie once talked to a cigar statue for four hours before uttering the memorable quote, “Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic.”

Good Bye Princess Leia

Our man in the musty archives of The Spurious Nib has discovered an old photo of our Heroine, Princess Leia and her beloved cat named Duet.

The Spurious Nib Volume 12

Spurious Nib #92

Women are 59% more likely to laugh at a man's jokes if they are lying in a hammock.

Spurious Ad Nibs

Hoven Hardware & Tools

“Hats off to the handyman!”

Dinkle Hoven Proprietor 

Spurious Nib#19

Whales love Mel Tormé's music so much they nicknamed him the velvet dolphin!

Spurious Nib#46

In 1935 Boris & Satchia Nyetcovitch, conjoined twins, performed their famous tribute to the United Soviet Socialist Republic for Joseph Stalin by wearing a head band around both their heads while singing,

“Joseph Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.

With an eye like an grizzly and as tall as a mountain was he.

Joseph Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.

He was brave, he was fearless and as tough as a bar of steel.

From the military cap on the top of ol Joe to the heel of his military shoe

The rippin'est roarin'est fightin'est man the U-S-S-R ever knew.

Joseph Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.

And he fought the enemies of the people to make Mother Russia free from the west.”

Spurious Nib#65

John P. Handy was so cheap he only read the newspaper over someone else's shoulder.

Stereo-phonics

Spurious Nib#15

Stereo-phonics refers to the amount of time it takes for a Monad to race from left to right in standard headphones using an RCA jack.

Spurious Nib's Special St. Paddy’s Day Edition

Spurious Or Not...You Decide:

When Irish eyes are smiling,

Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring.

In the lilt of Irish laughter

You can hear the angels sing.

When Irish hearts are happy,

All the world seems bright and gay.

And when Irish eyes are smiling,

Sure, they steal your heart away.

Spurious Nib #17

On this day in 400AD Patrick led a parade from Galway to Dublin driving snakes into the sea and by "driving snakes" he meant Danny O'Malley's mother-in-law, "the Medusa of Killarney."

Spurious Ad Nibs

Condy O Boyle: Coffee

One taste of our fine coffee and you’ll say, “Boy, O boy, its O’Boyle’s!”

And for that special added hint of Irish flavor be sure to add a touch of  O'Shaughnessy's fine whiskey, “Imported from Dublin-Preferred by elves.”

Spurious Nib #101

Patrick traversed Ireland planting potatoes near every village. Saint Germanus of Auxerre wrote, “His visage was a might peculiar, what with tha’ cook’n pot for a hat and the shamrock he collected in his pockets.”

Spurious Nib Irish Erudition:

“Give an Irishman a drink and he’ll be your friend for life, give a Scot a drink and you’ll lose every penny, but don't ye drink with an Englander he'll take yer land, yer faith an' yer wife!”

Spurious Nib#7

The lyrics, 

“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side,” 

refers to Iron Age Celt Carnyx players who thought they could traverse the Irish sea with their new fangled metal air tubes. Fortunately, the Flynn brother's (Paddy, Mick and Quinn) discovered the musicality of the Carnyx at McGuiness' bar. It's rumored Paddy Flynn attached a sheep's bladder to one of the horns as a prank and handed it to a visiting Scottish bar patron and that is how the bag-pipes were invented!

Mother Of The Year

Spurious Nib #28

On March 12, 1897 Mrs. Henrietta received the trophy for Mother Of The Year after playing peek-a-boo with her 18 month old son Walter for 1 hour, 9 minutes and 19 seconds!

One decade later the tradition of awarding a mother for playing peek-a-boo came to an abrupt halt when it was discovered that mothers had, in reality, been taking naps.