Monday, March 27, 2017
Good Bye Princess Leia
Our man in the musty archives of The Spurious Nib has discovered an old photo of our Heroine, Princess Leia and her beloved cat named Duet.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
The Spurious Nib Volume 12
Spurious
Nib #92
Women
are 59% more likely to laugh at a man's jokes if they are lying in a
hammock.
Spurious
Ad Nibs
Hoven
Hardware & Tools
“Hats
off to the handyman!”
Dinkle
Hoven Proprietor
Spurious
Nib#19
Whales love Mel Tormé's music so much they nicknamed him the velvet dolphin!
Spurious
Nib#46
In
1935 Boris & Satchia Nyetcovitch, conjoined twins, performed
their famous tribute to the United Soviet Socialist Republic for
Joseph Stalin by wearing a head band around both their heads while
singing,
“Joseph
Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.
With
an eye like an grizzly and as tall as a mountain was he.
Joseph
Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.
He
was brave, he was fearless and as tough as a bar of steel.
From
the military cap on the top of ol Joe to the heel of his military
shoe
The
rippin'est roarin'est fightin'est man the U-S-S-R ever knew.
Joseph
Stalin was a man. Yes a big man.
And
he fought the enemies of the people to make Mother Russia free from
the west.”
Spurious
Nib#65
John P. Handy was so
cheap he only read the newspaper over someone else's shoulder.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Stereo-phonics
Spurious Nib#15
Stereo-phonics
refers to the amount of time it takes for a Monad to race from left
to right in standard headphones using an RCA jack.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Spurious Nib's Special St. Paddy’s Day Edition
Spurious Or Not...You Decide:
When Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, 'tis like the morn
in Spring.
In the lilt of Irish
laughter
You can hear the angels
sing.
When Irish hearts are
happy,
All the world seems bright
and gay.
And when Irish eyes are
smiling,
Sure, they steal your
heart away.
Spurious
Nib #17
On this day in 400AD
Patrick led a parade from Galway to Dublin driving snakes into the
sea and by "driving snakes" he meant Danny O'Malley's
mother-in-law, "the Medusa of Killarney."
Spurious
Ad Nibs
Condy
O Boyle: Coffee
One
taste of our fine coffee and you’ll say, “Boy, O boy, its
O’Boyle’s!”
And
for that special added hint of Irish flavor be sure to add a touch of O'Shaughnessy's
fine whiskey, “Imported from Dublin-Preferred by elves.”
Spurious
Nib #101
Patrick
traversed Ireland planting potatoes near every village. Saint
Germanus of Auxerre wrote, “His visage was a might peculiar, what
with tha’ cook’n pot for a hat and the shamrock he collected in
his pockets.”
Spurious
Nib Irish Erudition:
“Give
an Irishman a drink and he’ll be your friend for life, give a Scot
a drink and you’ll lose every penny, but don't ye drink with an
Englander he'll take yer land, yer faith an' yer wife!”
Spurious
Nib#7
The
lyrics,
“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From
glen to glen, and down the mountain side,”
refers to Iron Age Celt
Carnyx players who thought they could traverse the Irish sea with
their new fangled metal air tubes. Fortunately, the Flynn brother's
(Paddy, Mick and Quinn) discovered the musicality of the Carnyx
at McGuiness' bar. It's rumored Paddy Flynn attached a sheep's
bladder to one of the horns as a prank and handed it to a visiting
Scottish bar patron and that is how the bag-pipes were invented!
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Mother Of The Year
Spurious Nib #28
On
March 12, 1897 Mrs. Henrietta received the trophy for Mother Of The
Year after playing peek-a-boo with her 18 month old son Walter for 1
hour, 9 minutes and 19 seconds!
One
decade later the tradition of awarding a mother for playing
peek-a-boo came to an abrupt halt when it was discovered that mothers
had, in reality, been taking naps.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Kaiser-Piraten
Spurious Nib#43
Kaiser Wilhelm II so yearned to be a pirate he had his dead parrot Freddy taxidermied and affixed to his pickelhaube.
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