You might have some romantic notions of Thanksgiving. Maybe in your imagination you see Pocahontas and John Rolfe stealing glances over a large golden brown turkey next to a piping hot dish of candied yams, a bowl of cranberries, and some really yummy corn bread with a slab of butter melting over the top.
Thanks to our imagination at the Spurious Nib our founder Maximus Tornblatt had related some Spurious Thanksgiving news from one of his news papers, The Round Prairie Witness.
43,000 years ago a Cro-Magnon family celebrated Thanksgiving by inviting their Neanderthal neighbors over for some roasted Magnapaulia and candied avocados.
Thanksgiving 1810. Kentucky’s famous retired pirate and kitsch aficionado, Captain Irving Saysme had to be reminded by his great grandchildren that the Thanksgiving turkey wasn’t his beloved parrot Maxine.
When the Pilgrims celebrated the Tenth Annual Thanksgiving Goody Feldman was so excited she set up her Creche and Christmas tree. Thus starting the American tradition of Christmas feriation extensive celebrationem.
Best friends Bartholomew Buckett and Giles Tinker gathered everyone at the Meeting House three days before Thanksgiving to play a new game they called “will it Pilgrim.” The young men invited Massasoit to cook up various festive aboriginal treats so the whole community could see the reaction of the boys tasting the strange exotic foods. Unbeknownst to Bartholomew and Giles, William Latham asked Massasoit to make skunk stew as one of the dishes to taste. Hilarity ensued.
Hepzibah Smith later said, I longed that I should have been able to paint a picture of the boys retching whilst we convulsed with gaiety at their discomfort!”
One Hundred years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Humphrey Calvert wrote and performed his, “Tuba Extraordinaire, A Thanksgiving Opus in G flat.”
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