The Spurious Nib

Volume 13

The Spurious Nib #95 
In 321 BC Greek women dancers accidentally discovered the art of head bongos. This discovery combined with the Zither would usher in a new era of ancient Greek culture.

Heysham Tanfield, 

“Don’t guess, don’t cheat! Give the full measure & no more.” 

Fine Scottish Measuring Devices Corporation 

Manufacturing fine measuring devices since 1604

Spurious Nib #60
Farmer Hank Tornquist was the first to patent a night-crawler vacuum.

Spurious Nib News from around the earth.

Boyd I. Fuller
Update from Moscow, Russia.  
Angry Russian woman shushes angry mob! As you may recall from my previous Spurious Nib account, I attended a meeting in Moscow. There was a lot of yelling and pointing by some angry guy. The crowd responded with more yelling and cheering. When the meeting was done the crowd angrily marched out of the building and down the street.
I was able to stealthily follow the crush of humanity for about a block when suddenly everything came to an abrupt halt. There before the disquieted mob was a rather diminutive woman with six small children. She stared at the men with fierce, black steely eyes, lifted her finger to her lips and gave a very terse, “SHHhh.” The men immediately looked down at their shoes and schlepped passed her quietly.
It remains to be seen if this mob will regain their firy will to finish the march on the government.



Skippy Smyth 
Dewitt, Iowa.
There was an interesting discovery over the weekend. One time scatomancer, Tristan Bulrushes was spotted dawning a cape and mask in a darkened doorway. When asked what he was doing the profoundly girthed Bulrushes said, “Yoicks, you are mistaken in my identity. I am Beadleman! Champion of the people. I promise to vicambulte this town and protect the good people from untruth.”
I inquired of Beadleman aka Tristan Bulrushes how he planned to help the people of Dewitt. “When I hear or see untruth, (and that includes you, man of the press) I will exclaim, ‘Gardyloo!’ accompanied with a magnificent aporrhoea and call out said travesty.” And with that, the rotund Champion of the people leapt away with a hearty, “Gardyloo!” leaving behind more than a faint censorious effluvia.