HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!
The crack staff here at the Spurious Nib understand how much worry and frustration our readers are submersed in over the latest controversies on July 4, 2020. Yes, that’s right, we too have become completely fixated on the “hand-in-waistcoat” conspiracy theories! Now we can reveal the truth of what was in some of history’s most famous waistcoat pockets!
President George Washington
The Father of our Country and the first president of the United States. He was America’s general and commander in chief during the American Revolution. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a Gideon bible with the Psalms, his reading glasses, keys to his mustang, and his lucky tooth.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Known as The Emperor of the France and considered one of the greatest commanders in history, and his wars and campaigns are studied at military schools worldwide. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: one county fair first place medal for his, "Family Volcano Chip Meal" and one gold hand mirror.
Theodor Friedrich Ludwig Nees von Esenbeck
Esenbeck was a German botanist and pharmacologist. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a pen knife, one magnifying glass and four gañjā leaves. According to Spurious Nib sources his friends called him, “Dr. Dank Ludweed.”
William Tecumseh Sherman
American soldier, businessman, educator, and author. One of the great generals of the Union Army during the American Civil War. In his waistcoat pocket could be found: a rosary from his wife Ellen, one personalized silver flask, and one Zippo lighter.
Lucius Ambrose de Farnelleis
Once hailed as, “Rhode Island's Favorite Raconteur,” Lucius was a part time knockknobbler, and expert knocker-upper. He once famously said to Meriwether Lewis, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you as long as you can read a map.”
In his waistcoat pocket could be found: 10- 1790 Duits, one porcupine quill comb, and his pet cockroach named Barebones Lee.
#HappyIndependenceDay #july4th2020 #july4th #IndependenceDay
