Spurious Christmas Folklore

According to Slovakian folklore, 

if you scream, “zachráň ma Ježiško!” 

three times at a mirror 

Jezisko will give you the power to catch the Elf on the shelf.

Spurious Christmas History

The Three Wise Men (Melchior, Caspar and Balthazar) were accompanied by a very wise feline named Gattinoscaltro. 

And yes, Gattinoscaltro brought the baby Jesus his favorite ball of yarn.

Spurious Christmas Health

Mrs. Goody Claus insisted that Santa take one tablespoon of cod liver oil and chase it with a ten ounce  glass of prune juice before he left to deliver toys for all the good girls and boys. 

This ensured a quick delivery. Some of the elves referred to the mixture as “Goody’s Thunder Juice.”

A Spurious Christmas Story

The Spurious Christmas tree.

Martin Luther is often credited with the idea of a Christmas tree. What you will never hear is that his neighbor, Niederwälder Nadelbaum sold the Great Reformer a fir tree as a prank. 

The Nadelbaum family had been famous for selling fire wood for hundreds of years. The family had a tradition of parading a small fir tree into town after the snow as a way of advertising their business. One day in December 1525 Niederwälder had sold all of the split wood and didn’t want to take the time to cut up the six foot tall anzeige baum (advertisement tree). And that is when he remembered his good-natured neighbors, Martin and Katharina Luther.

Nadelbaum convinced Luther that having a freshly cut fir tree in the house would be an excellent way to keep his kitsch Czechoslovakian candle collection organized and a nifty way to display them in the living room. When Katharina began questioning her husband about the tree and candles Luther realized his neighbor had pulled one over on him. Ever the quick wit, Luther began lighting the candles and making up a tall tale about how he was reforming the pagan Yuletide celebrations.

In the following spring Luther got back at Niederwälder by putting green dye in his beer but that is another story.

The Second Spurious Nib Thanksgiving Edition

 Some Spurious Nib Thanksgiving details.

In November of 1688 Father Louis Hennepin, (Belgian Roman Catholic priest, missionary of the Franciscan Recollet order, explorer of North America and AAA member) celebrated a mass in honor of the Baby Paul Bunyan carving the first Thanksgiving turkey.

Dr. Fredric Von Distalmeir, Slavic hieroglyph expert, discovered the etymology of the word amazing has its roots in the word maze. According to Distalmeir, 

John Rolfe couldn’t believe corn could be popped. When Pocahontas showed him the process he was ‘amazed.’ Rolfe then realized he was amazed by the beauty of Pocahontas. He was amazed at her ability to carve turkey. He was amazed at the taste of candied yams.

Rolfe used the new word so much the Indigenous people and the Englanders voted to send John and his new bride back to England!

n 1739 Johannes Peter Troxell’s (1691 - 1766) Pennsylvania neighbor declared Folgers Coffee the official hot beverage of Thanksgiving.

Katherine Pear and John Q.Bodrog were married on Thanksgiving 1897. On each anniversary they tried to recite more reasons to be thankful than the other.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

The Spurious Nib Halloween Edition

Spurious Nib Halloween Items

Spice up this evenings Halloween conversations with these here to fore never seen spurious items.

On Halloween 1911 Dr. Ransom D. Monet, dressed as “The Oil Philosopher” and lectured his students on the proper viscosity of oil for the Priestman Oil Engine.

Lizzie Andrew Borden did not know how to properly sharpen an axe.

Every Halloween Istvan Graeff forced his wife and six children to listen to his worst nightmares from that year whilst they stood at his bedside. Later in life his son, Urice recounted with horror one particular soliloquy which lasted two hours about their beloved pet squirrel named Ziegenfuss, “whose eyes glowed like red hot coals as he devoured ”

On every Halloween between 1897 and 1904 Ernestine the Praying Mantis used to terrorize young children in the Hungarian village of Zólyom.

A 'Piddlesworth' of Spurious Jewelry.

In 1879 Bartholomew Piddlesworth, entrepreneur jeweler, began selling his famed, Piddlesworth Kidney Stone Anniversary Rings.